Sorry, I just want to yell out sth that I can’t share with anyone.
Backgroung is simply liking, or loving, a wrong person, my housemate….
This is more like a yelling from someone who strrugles for a decision he made, rather than a question… but whatever, I just wanna say it. Maybe I should visit a therapist for that later. haha

Here is the content, feel free to skip it if you are tired of all relationship struggle.
and thank for ur time.

Liking a wrong person is painful, and living with her is even worse.
You have to keep telling yourself not to like her, while you somehow think about anything about her.
And by living with her, it makes you to see, and think about, her so often. Of course this is always great to see the girl you like, but not while you have to keep telling yourself not to like her.
Some people said all I have to do is just not liking her anymore.
i know, of coz I know.
And then some people said knowing it is not enough, i have to do it.
I also understand it and have tried hard to do this.
but hell (or help), can someone please tell me how i can quickly lose that feeling? I mean, I really don’t have a on/off button just for that.
I am willing to pay all I have or even more to reset my feeling to her to be liking as a friend, rather than the liking as a one you want to be together with.
I swear, I sincerely want to, more than anyone, not like her anymore, because I know I am making her troubles, as being liked by a wrong person is sth hella painful and annoying.
and I also know that no ppl would feel happy to make the one he/she likes unhappy.
and of course I don’t feel happy for this! This is no good for both of us.
I have to admit, I feel hella heartberaking every time I think about moving. But this is all I can do — don’t I already feel heartbreaking for forcing myself not to like her, for avoiding her and for making her dislike me?
by moving out, I won’t see her anymore no matter how much I like her. So I will suffer only for missing her, not for avoiding her and being dislike, or ignored.
Very likily, she will not care me at all in the future. But at least, i won’t see how she not cares me, I don’t need to force myself to turn around from the girl I like so much or suffered from her ignorace, a very deserved ignorance due to what I have done.

liking a wrong person, is such a pain, espesically when u know clearly that u are hurting the one you care so much while u have no better way to deal with it.
you know, or believe, what you do is all for a good cause, but she wouldn’t, or more accurately shouldn’t, think so, as she is the victim.
So you can’t even seek for forgiveness, because u are the one keep doing harm intentionally even u don’t want to.
You can only endure, no complaint, no attempt to seek for pity or whatever.
You deserve nothing but this suffering that can’t be shared.