I subscribed one of my secondary school classmate’s xanga many years ago. As the word “classmate” implies, she is and nothing more than this for me.

So this is kind of weird while this xanga subscription creates a one-way relationship between us.

This is one-way because she may know but not notice/bother that one of her former classmates come across her entry sometime.

And I am really just coming across, as I would just immediately scroll to the end of her entry when her post comes up.

Why I would waste my time to read while we have no intersection at all.

And wouldn’t it be hella weird if a classmate who you have never contacted suddenly replying your fully emotionally entry? (yea, just a brief look of the first three lines, random sentences during scrolling, and last few lines when I stop the scrolling wheel are sufficient enough to give me a full pic. I don’t know if all of her entries are emotional, but at least those I somehow skimmed through were.)

I know this sound like stalking a old classmate, but I really have no particular interests in her — I am just too lazy to remove her from my intact subscription list.

But whatever, these unintentionally encounters, or skimming, disclose someone’s life to me occasionally.

A life of a girl who loves hard and get hurt hard.

What I skimmed through is like one after one cycle of loving game.

First there are someone’s name, a few sweet words and tons of love emoticons; then the same name, some crying emoticons and question marks; next the same name with a few pissed-off icons, a new name and some heart and smiling faces. And the cycle repeats.

I never bother to read any of her entries completely, as I know what will be inside.

This is the sweet and sour and the happiness and pain of love.

I don’t need to know about all these things — but knowing how lucky I am.

My love issue is fair less complicated.

love my ceci, i will work hard to maintain this our relationship, until you give me up.

love you.